Van Hellsing

lalalalalal

NO!

This is a movie about Van Helsing.

Hes supposed to be a bounty hunter with cool ancient gadgets etc. In this movie he is the left hand of GOD. Yes thats right he is Gabriel, but cant remember. Dracula is satans spawn or made a pact with satan or something. I'm not christian but from my TV knowledge isnt it that gabriel is satan, fallen angle blah blah blah becuase he has to kill the evil on earth for god, and this gives him nighmares and then they have a domestic dispute and gab says "i put food on the table and u dont even respect me" but becuase "god" is a bitch s/he said get out of my house and gab said "i was having an affair anyway" and so gab moved to the center of the earth (hell) which is where he used to stay when on business trips...

anyway if van helsing is gab (satan) but not in satans for yet (before the break up) how can dracula exist???? how can he make a pact or be born from someone who doesnt exist etc....

Note to EVERYONE: do not go and see this movie.

just rent it out and then you will know what im rambling on about

now onto the plot

dracula wants to have babies so natuarly he has 3 wives the babies are in these alien type pods hanging from the cealing. I should also point out that dracual isnt a normal vampire but someone who cant die (more on this later). frankinstien is created by the dr now dracual gets the idea that he can bring his babies to life (because dracual and vampires are dead and dracual doesnt acutally exist... (in the movie)). so he has an idea to use frankinsiten to give life to the babies by passing electricity through frank to the babies (i bet clipsal made a bucket load on this movie). while batling a warewolf van gets infected and only has 2 days till he becomes a wolf... so he still tries to find dracula and kill him as his last 2 days also convenintly dracula has the cure for being a warewolf (which is mentioned through out the movie). Draculas castle is place which can only be goten to through a mirror (or if ur a vampire then u already know where it is...).

Van and drac have a bit of a get together in this time we find out that van is actually hundreds of years old becuase he has nightmares describing stuff that hapend ages ago. Dracual and van have always been fighting. Remeber van cant rember his past, well drac does and van wants to chat and find out more.

in the end sequence van finds out that a warwolf can kill dracual (convenintly van will soon turn into a warewolf). But wait dracual has warewolfs doing his biding for him, why have they not killed him???? apparently they dont hate him enough for taking away their lives and turning them into warewolfs.... of which there is only one cure and dracula has it (but isnt that enough for them to kill him and take the cure...). basicly van goes to drac turns into a warewolf and kills him, in the mean time the other main character in the movie is not even needed and is just a nusiance.

any way so goes and gets the antidote. Since van is now a warewolf hes a bit clumbsy and knocks the bitch to the ground just by looking at her (of course throughout the movie she has taken greater beatings but who cares for consistancy) and she dies. Conventintly van has also knocked himself onto the needle of the antidote and returns to normal.

The end scene is even more absurd and nicey nice then the lion king. im not even going to describe in fear of remebering it.